I unclipped the seat belt and took a last look atMichael, who was going to the primary school down the road. "I'll seeyou later Mikey," I said and strangely I kissed his forehead. Even I wassurprised by that, but covered it by moving away and getting out of thecar. "See you guys later on," Mum called from the front as we waved andclosed the doors.As Darren had got to the stage where family became slightlyembarrassing, he moved away without a word, heading for the backplayground where he would stay for another year or so before graduatingto the front one. I could see most of the club already waiting over inthe far corner, by the benches and we started to walk towards them. Amiewho was watching out for us, waved. Most of the group waved too. I could see, in the first moment or so when I got out of the car that tothe people in the playground, I was who I had always been. The looksthat were turned my way were not of disbelief which would have been bad,but of placidity which was ok.. With Rachel in her car seat, I alsoput her stroller in the back of the Subaru, in case we actually got outfor some exercise.I don't know where I was headed. I just figured I'd pay scant attentionto the road signs and find my way back from wherever. Fortunately, Ihad the next day off, so this little road trip could last awhile. Ifirst stopped the car on the beach, and just looked at the stars withRachel in my arms. The little one was already fast asleep in my strongarms. I remember thinking, "You make it look so easy, Rachel. I loveyou."After another hour of driving, I pulled over at a goodwill store togive Rachel her first bottle. It was 3:26 in the morning and the storewas still open. Perhaps I believed I could find some clothes forRachel, or some toys. I never expected to find the dress.There, on the bargain rack, was the same dress that Sarah wore thefirst time I met her. A black strapless gown with gold accents. Justholding that material in my hands brought the memory back.I saw.
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